Just when I think I’ve reached my limit and seen enough doctors to last me a life time, I get a quick reminder that, eh nope, there’s more to come. There always will be.
It’s July 2015 and I’m back seeing my surgeon, again. I’m sure he’s sick of the sight of me! Called through (by my first name!!) I’m back in one of the same rooms I’ve been in many times before. De Ja Vu sets in. I’m examined head to toe. Poked and prodded and legs being bent in all sorts of ways you never think possible, all so he can see when my pain starts.
The new pain I have can’t be explained till I get a new set of MRI Scans and an X-ray. He explains the new pain I have may be a couple of things but that he needs to see the scans first.
Scans done, X-ray done, now the waiting game. The time where the mind wanders and you think all sorts. You think the worst and hope for the best. Positive thoughts and trying not to think about what’s coming. The more you try not to think, the more you do!
So results day. Why did I get an appointment so quick? What’s wrong? There’s something wrong. Worry. Terrified. Anyway, my results came back ok, although my spine is an utter mess, there hasn’t been any significant changes to warrant surgery. Relief. Heart out of mouth. Breathe.
Being referred for more examinations and possible further treatment at the Pain Clinic wasnt somewhere I thought I’d be back to, seeing as the past treatments all failed. Do I go? Past treatments were a non-starter so why is this time any different? What do I do?
I can’t answer that, nobody can. I have to go with the flow and just see what happens, take each day as it comes and deal with whatever I’m dealt at the time.
No matter how many times I think I’m done with treatment or done with seeing doctors and surgeons, I’m proved wrong. I don’t think I’ll ever be that person again, that just sees the doctor on a very rare basis, those days are a distant memory.
There’s more to come. Guaranteed. How do I deal with it? I guess that’s something I have to work out and see what happens. I don’t have a crystal ball, I can’t see what’s going to happen in the future. Day by day, that’s my life now. Sometimes minute by minute.