Medication worries

Every time the words “let’s try this” are uttered, by my GP, my heart sinks.  

There’s always some new idea he has, which don’t get me wrong I’m willing to try, but from past experience what’s trying something else going to do?  But then the sensible part of me (yes there is a part!) says, try it, if it doesn’t work, then atleast you can say you gave it a go.  

But then there’s all the bad things that come with trying new medication. The side effects.  I’ve not had a medication to date that I haven’t had side effects with, and that’s scary and also sole destroying.  You want, desperately, for this medication to work, you want it to be your miracle cure, but then it makes you dizzy, sleepy, grumpy (don’t worry, not naming the 7 dwarfs!!) or just plain old doesn’t work. 

Some medication I’ve taken has been serious stuff, like from the locked fridge in the chemist serious, which terrifies the bejesus out of me.  I remember standing ready to take my first dose of diazepam not wanting to swallow it, this tiny little tablet, that either has the power to cure me or the power to kill me (slight exaggeration I know!) is hovering on the end of my tongue.  Do I swallow, do I not?  I’m asking my husband what to do, still with this tablet hovering on my tongue, with him telling me to just take it, and me determined I’m not taking it, I’ll be fine without it.  As time passes, and tongue cramps set in, I gave in and swallowed that little blighter.  

Now this is a regular occurrence, with any new medication I’m given, I act this way.  It’s like once i take it, there’s no going back.  I’ll either feel rubbish or I’ll feel better, and every time, without fail, I feel rubbish.  So why do I and why does my doctor keep putting me through this? 

I’ve pinned my hopes on so many tablets working for me, and have been left completely disappointed.  Every time I have to return to the doctor and say “nope they didn’t work” is another tick on the ever shortened list of medication I’m going to be able to take.   

Now I know that you have to try things and see what does work for you, and that everyone is different and tolerates different things, what doesn’t work for me might work for the next person.  But that doesn’t mean that nobody has worries about what they are taking, everyone has worries. 

It’s never going to be an easy choice to take a new medication, but that’s the life I have been dealt, and possibly, maybe, sometime in the future, there might be this one tablet, one tiny little tablet that might be a miracle cure for me. And not only for me.

A girl can hope can’t she? 

 

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7 thoughts on “Medication worries

  1. It’s weird isn’t it? Each new pill brings a whole new set of worries.

    Diazepam does actually really help with my muscle spasms, but my GP hates prescribing it. Their latest favourite is gabapentin which just makes me feel vague :/

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So sorry to hear your struggle with pain. Coming from a family who have all had back issues and a dad who has a morphine pump implanted for his pain, I really sympathise with you. Would a morphine pump help with your pain? Keeping my fingers crossed for you Kat x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww thank you for your kind comment. I hope your dad is ok? As for the pump, I’m not sure they want to do that at this stage, or if I even want that right now. I cope, barely some days, but I think that’s more due to determination than anything else. I’m determined not to have strong medication, well at least not for now anyway! Xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My dad is doing better. The pump was a last resort for him after 3 failed back surgeries. I hope you find something that helps your pain without having to get the pump. It’s a worry what it’ll do to him in the long run but for now I’m just glad he’s managing the pain better. Will keep you in my thoughts and look forward to reading more of your blog posts! xx

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I feel his pain! My first surgery failed also, my second worked, but for how long is the next question! I truly hope he is ok and gets on with the pump good and it helps with his pain too. Will be thinking of you all! Thank you so much! Xxx

        Liked by 1 person

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