Every time the words “let’s try this” are uttered, by my GP, my heart sinks.
There’s always some new idea he has, which don’t get me wrong I’m willing to try, but from past experience what’s trying something else going to do? But then the sensible part of me (yes there is a part!) says, try it, if it doesn’t work, then atleast you can say you gave it a go.
But then there’s all the bad things that come with trying new medication. The side effects. I’ve not had a medication to date that I haven’t had side effects with, and that’s scary and also sole destroying. You want, desperately, for this medication to work, you want it to be your miracle cure, but then it makes you dizzy, sleepy, grumpy (don’t worry, not naming the 7 dwarfs!!) or just plain old doesn’t work.
Some medication I’ve taken has been serious stuff, like from the locked fridge in the chemist serious, which terrifies the bejesus out of me. I remember standing ready to take my first dose of diazepam not wanting to swallow it, this tiny little tablet, that either has the power to cure me or the power to kill me (slight exaggeration I know!) is hovering on the end of my tongue. Do I swallow, do I not? I’m asking my husband what to do, still with this tablet hovering on my tongue, with him telling me to just take it, and me determined I’m not taking it, I’ll be fine without it. As time passes, and tongue cramps set in, I gave in and swallowed that little blighter.
Now this is a regular occurrence, with any new medication I’m given, I act this way. It’s like once i take it, there’s no going back. I’ll either feel rubbish or I’ll feel better, and every time, without fail, I feel rubbish. So why do I and why does my doctor keep putting me through this?
I’ve pinned my hopes on so many tablets working for me, and have been left completely disappointed. Every time I have to return to the doctor and say “nope they didn’t work” is another tick on the ever shortened list of medication I’m going to be able to take.
Now I know that you have to try things and see what does work for you, and that everyone is different and tolerates different things, what doesn’t work for me might work for the next person. But that doesn’t mean that nobody has worries about what they are taking, everyone has worries.
It’s never going to be an easy choice to take a new medication, but that’s the life I have been dealt, and possibly, maybe, sometime in the future, there might be this one tablet, one tiny little tablet that might be a miracle cure for me. And not only for me.
A girl can hope can’t she?