When I open my eyes for the first time, after only a few hours sleep, this is the time when I know what kind of day I’m going to have. Pretty much 90% of the time it’s going to be a bad day, no matter what I do, the pain is always there. But that 10%, it’s there, it does exist, not very often, but it does come to say hello every now and then.
Now by “happy days” I don’t mean everything’s all pink, rosy and fluffy, Im in no pain and that everything’s right with the world, far from it.
Happy days are the days when I’m coping better than the day before. Where I don’t want to burst in to tears at every twinge or shooting pain. I dont want to constantly be sick because I have this wave of pain rippling through my body. Even things like finally managing to do/complete something I’ve been trying to do for ages. Maybe that trip to the shops I’ve been trying to do for a while, but not gathered enough strength for before.
Those are happy days, the days when my new life is partly overtaken by my old life, the days I miss, the old me.
Of course we all have things in our day to day lives that make us happy, amongst other things, I have my husband who makes my heart smile and my 2 cats who make me feel wanted and a job I’m happy in, but this happy is a completely different version of happiness to the daily battle to be happy.
How can you be happy when your in so much pain. When all you want to do is cry, scream and shut yourself away from the world. Those are the moment when happiness doesn’t exist, when it seems to be so out of reach, like your watching your happiness drift away on that big fluffy cloud never to return, those are the days when a smile is required.
A smile can hide a million feelings, it can also help you get through a really crappy day. When your head is screaming at you along with the pain, but you have no strength, energy or even motivation, a smile is all you need. A smile can sometimes make you happy, it can’t take away the pain or hurt, but it can start to make you feel a little better in yourself, even if it’s just for a little while.
Let’s face it we all have good and bad days, (you’d be he luckiest person alive if you only had good days!), but what about making someone other than yourself happy, or even making someone else smile? It’s not impossible, we can all do a good deed, something for someone else.
I remember one day a while back day, where my pain was really bad which meant my mood wasn’t much better. I was keeping myself to myself when I noticed a lady trying desperately to get her walker out of the boot of her car while everyone else around and near, walked past and ignored her. I went to offer help and got her walker out and sorted for her. She was such a kind soul, and ever so grateful, thanking me and smiling.
That one person made me see that at that precise moment my day wasn’t so bad, and that although I was in pain, I could smile, I could help someone, and I could be happy.
Happy for a short precious moment.