Is it my fault?

I am the biggest believer in Karma.  What goes around comes around.  

So does that mean I got what I deserved? I got this messed up spine and body because of something I did?  Perhaps in a previous life I was a complete b*tch, and now in this life, I’m paying for it?

This is my thought every time I have a bad day. The days I can’t walk, the days I’m in absolute agony. The days I’m throwing up because of the pain, and the days I need help from the husband just to function.  Was what I did that bad that i deserve this now? 

Who’s to blame for me now having all these health issues?

Perhaps it was lifting all those trays of dishes working in the kitchen when I was 12, till I was 16?

Perhaps it was me not listening to my mum telling me to cover my back up when the top I was wearing rode up (not on purpose!) exposing my back to the elements.

Perhaps it was the kitchen work, lifting sacks of veg, bending over a low sink washing dishes, being on my feet all day?

Perhaps it was all the computer desk moves, lifting monitors and pc’s, moving the actual desk, lifting packed full crates for office moves.  Or maybe the office job, sitting down all day and not moving much.

I took my back for granted WAY more than I should have done when I was younger. But 15 years ago, Health & Safety wasn’t as big as it is now, so other than making sure you bent at the knees before lifting, there wasn’t much else around.  Knowledge on back health wasn’t around as such, you got on with it.  You just did it.  

But would Health & Safety or even more knowledge have made any difference to me back then when my supposed “issues” started? I’m thinking not.

So yes, I do think I contributed to all the problems I have now, I AM the main contributor to me, and now to my problems, but I’m also a believer in “what’s going to happen, will happen”.  So maybe this is was to be my destiny.

Maybe this life I have now, was the one I was destined to have.  Maybe someone up there didn’t think that my old life was exciting enough and that I needed to be a stronger person, to learn and grow, and over come every challenge put in my way. 

Maybe someone is serving me a dish best served cold….. Karma.


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