Time to Live?

“I can and I will – watch me” – anonymous 

For the past 10 months, I’ve lived from appointment to appointment. Physio to doctors to surgeons. 

So after another disastrous consultant appointment, which resulted in me giving some short and snappy answers to the cock sure man behind the other side of the desk, it has left me questioning the way forward.

What on earth have I got to show for the past 10 months. Nothing. Nothing but insults and let downs.  Yet again, I was told that the problem and main cause of my back pain is because I’m fat.  I was told to exercise and loose weight and it would make me feel better.
I was due to have another set of spinal injections on 19th July, but I cancelled them.  Due to the low odds, but high percentage of failure, I went with my gut and said No.

How much more am I supposed to put myself through?  

I live with this back pain day in, day out, it’s constant and never leaves me, so surely it’s my decision on the way I want to proceed with my care?

I want to get my life back, which I know sounds ridiculous, as I will never have the life I once had back, BUT, there’s a limit as to how much BS I’m willing and able to take.  

I want to LIVE again.

I don’t want to be anxious about the next appointment, to then be set up for failure.  I don’t want to put my body/back through the stress of getting to and from appointments, let alone being examined.  The stress that comes with every appointment, making sure im prepared mentally and physically.  It’s all utterly exhausting.

I want to get on with life, enjoy life.  I want to get my house all pretty and looking good.  I want to be learning things, doing things and being happy.

I want to LIVE.

I want to Live Life by my rules, and not be dictated to.

And that’s what I’m gonna do!

Kat – xx


16 thoughts on “Time to Live?

  1. Hey you! Fab post, it’s so sad how these people make you want to give up on life isn’t it? I hear you and this rings to true to me sadly. Wasting months and months hoping when nothing changes.
    You do have things to show for the last 10 months, a bunch of fabulous new friends (me being one of them 😉 a shop and new skills, Bubba, don’t let them taint it all.
    Loves ya! xxx

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I do understand babe because if you don’t have health it’s hard to cope and manage. But always here for you my love and very very glad to have met you. Which I wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for your blog xxxx

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I love this post….I’ve been going through lots of discouragement lately with my foot/surgery results, and your post made me feel so happy for you and what your future holds. Time to live, indeed! 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Way to go Kat! I firmly believe that it is your choice to take up or not treatments and advice. Once you take back some control in your care it is empowering and after all no one knows you better than you. I have set my own boundaries and limits of treatment; some people think I am mad. But they don’t have to go through it themselves. Trust your gut instincts always. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your right Diana, it is our choice, and it seems to have been forgotten that I am an actual person, I’m more than my knackered back, so why put up with it!! Always trust your gut! Xxx


  4. So glad you listened to your gut. It seems like doctors often rush through patients, ignore holistic treatments, or just rest on ego. But it is your body, your life, and your choice. Sending you positive thoughts!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s