Time to Live?

“I can and I will – watch me” – anonymous 

For the past 10 months, I’ve lived from appointment to appointment. Physio to doctors to surgeons. 

So after another disastrous consultant appointment, which resulted in me giving some short and snappy answers to the cock sure man behind the other side of the desk, it has left me questioning the way forward.

What on earth have I got to show for the past 10 months. Nothing. Nothing but insults and let downs.  Yet again, I was told that the problem and main cause of my back pain is because I’m fat.  I was told to exercise and loose weight and it would make me feel better.
I was due to have another set of spinal injections on 19th July, but I cancelled them.  Due to the low odds, but high percentage of failure, I went with my gut and said No.

How much more am I supposed to put myself through?  

I live with this back pain day in, day out, it’s constant and never leaves me, so surely it’s my decision on the way I want to proceed with my care?

I want to get my life back, which I know sounds ridiculous, as I will never have the life I once had back, BUT, there’s a limit as to how much BS I’m willing and able to take.  

I want to LIVE again.

I don’t want to be anxious about the next appointment, to then be set up for failure.  I don’t want to put my body/back through the stress of getting to and from appointments, let alone being examined.  The stress that comes with every appointment, making sure im prepared mentally and physically.  It’s all utterly exhausting.

I want to get on with life, enjoy life.  I want to get my house all pretty and looking good.  I want to be learning things, doing things and being happy.

I want to LIVE.

I want to Live Life by my rules, and not be dictated to.

And that’s what I’m gonna do!

Kat – xx