Changes – For Better or Worse?

There’s always going to be changes in life, something, no matter what you do, there will be an after effect. A bit like heartburn, it’s unwanted, hurts like hell, but add Gaviscon (other brands available!) and everything is OK again. 

Same goes for Chronic Pain, specifically my Chronic Pain.  Now I cannot speak for other people, of course everyone has different reactions and can tolerate different things, but for me, this is what I know, my experience.

Mood – You’re gonna turn in to the grumpiest b*tch there ever was.  Now this isn’t every day, but most of the time.  It can be unexpected, a bit like a ticking time bomb, but side effects of medication mixed with a maximum of 4 hours (YES I SAID 4 HOURS) sleep a night with a pinch of excrutiating pain, let’s just say if you aren’t grumpy, I want to be you!

Tolerance – my BS-meter, well let’s just say, whatever.  I have had my heart stamped on more than enough times, I sometimes wonder how I’m still alive.  I’ve been faced with fake people, asshole doctors, false promises and down right sh*tty-ness to last me a life time. So if you’re gonna bring drama to my door, don’t come to my door.  I don’t have the energy or inclination to give a damn. *No Drama Llamas needed*

Energy – Again, with hardly any sleep, medication and pain, I struggle to have energy every day.  I’ve worked out that after my shower, I can leave my hair to dry, and if i feel like it, I will straighten it (maybe, possibly).  I genuinely have no time for a hair dryer, I hate them! But on a serious note, a severe lack of energy makes everything 10 times as hard, which makes you even more tired!

Tired – I am constantly tired. Because of the pain in my back during the night my sleep varies between 2 and 4 hours, depending on how long my strong medication wants to last on that particular night. But because I get excrutiating shooting pain, I need to move.  This is when my body feel like 100 stone and I feel like a lorry doing a 10 point turn just to get to another position. Exhausting.

Expert – I can pretty much diagnose my own back pain now. I know when a disc has gone, and I know when something has “changed”, I know what I need to do or take.  I know my body better than any doctor, which usually leads to me telling them what’s wrong and them getting defensive.  Turns out, I’ve been right every time.  Ooooh they don’t like being wrong! 

Mental Health – Sure, I suffer from Depression, and I take medication for it, but that doesn’t mean I’m down about life all day every day, I like to think I’m quite a positive person, but I do still have days (quite often) where life is just too much, but then come the days when I’m happy, bubbly and sometimes a compete idiot (my husbands words) – it’s a bit like a Seesaw, you never know which end will hit the ground first. 

There are probably more things I could list, but to be honest, those are probably the main changes I have faced.

But without facing these changes, even though I am a “grumpy bitch” some of the time (again husbands words!), I wouldn’t be the person I am now.  I wouldn’t have the experience of living with horrendous pain and still being able to smile.  I wouldn’t be the stronger person I am now because of the journey I’m on. 

I’d be a totally different person, for better or worse?…..


12 thoughts on “Changes – For Better or Worse?

  1. Great post, from the heart, you’re no bitch to me and you handle things so well you’re amazingly strong and you inspire me. I get the moods badly but thanks to people like you, I conquer and I get on with my days. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I really enjoyed reading your post and I can relate to your story and each of the points raised so much. I do feel like i’m moaning on half of the time or I’m being a handful, or bossy, or bitchy and everything else but when it all comes to an end I look back and see what I’ve just overcame, how strong I now am because of it and then see my magical partner who helped me through it, even though I was so horrid.
    As much as I hate my illnesses I am glad I have them, I wouldn’t be where I am in life today both physically, academically or mentally, meaning that I wouldn’t be the person I am today, and I like who i am now and where i am in life.

    Thanks for sharing your story, really enjoyed! 🙂 x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I think you are fabulous.
    The way you speak about everything you are going through is so inspiring and I know it brings comfort to many who read your blog.

    Keep doing what you do chick and take it easy! You are wonderful, well and truly.


    Liked by 1 person

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