What I’d tell myself

I often think about this.  Sitting there years ago, being told I needed a spinal operation. The confused, petrified 25 year old, realising that basically, the sh*t just hit the fan. Big time.

But I guess at the end of the day, the decision was out of my hands, I had to have the operation no matter what I thought, or even what I wanted. It was going ahead regardless.

Even after the first op was classed as failed, there was nothing I could do, no amount of praying, positive energy or whatever other BS miracle cure was going to help me.  Fact was there was NO miracle cure. And guess what, there’s still no miracle cure 6 years on (funny that!?) 

But for all the procedures and operations I’ve had over the years, the one thing I regret the most was continuing to do the spinal injections. Not one of them worked, and I had 4.  And every time all the progress I had made recovering, was wiped out,  I went back to square one and had to start ALL over again.  I had to take a minimum of 2 weeks of work each time, and for what? I had to learn to do everything again, walk, sit, stand.  They didn’t work.  But yet, each time it was suggested, I stupidly went ahead and had the injections.  My biggest regret.

But from everything I have been through and will continue to go through, with hindsight, I’d have told myself:

  1. It’s going to be tough. There’s going to be tears, and lots of anger, but you WILL pull through and come out fighting.
  2. You will have to listen to your body.  Stop over doing it and behave.
  3. You will have to fight for your rights.  You will have to fight every GP, and demand treatment.
  4. You will have to prove yourself on a daily basis, to everyone.  
  5. You will be treated differently, and those around you will disappear, but you will come out of it a stronger person than you ever thought imaginable.

But of course, I needed to go through these things to be able to become the person I am today – and hindsight is a marvellous thing!

But the question I keep asking myself? Would that person 6 years ago have paid any attention?  Would she have listened? 

Probably not, because until you have been through it, you will never know what you’d have told yourself.  

“Experience is what you teach yourself; Strength is gained to keep going; If all else fails, a Smile for the world to confuse them all. ~ K.Wilson”


2 thoughts on “What I’d tell myself

  1. Katrina, you are absolutely amazing – I hope you know that. I am so in awe of your ability to be so strong and optimistic even when you’re facing hard times. You have gone through so much, and you are right – it’s made you who you are today: a wonderful, compassionate, brave woman. You’re an absolute diamond and I am so happy to know you. I think the you from ‘before’ would be so proud of you.
    Beth xx | Adventure & Anxiety

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well this is such a lovely comment, and has literally made my day! Thank you so much! I think the “me” from before would have a hard time believing I could do so much! Xxx


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