My wedding day was the happiest day of my life. I married by best friend, and now I have him, my husband, by my side every day.
But only 3 months after our wedding day, both our lives changed. It’s not the life I had planned and it’s not the life I had wanted for us both. I had plans, we had plans.
Every day the one constant person in my life has to deal with me. The pain me. The moody me. The exhausted me. The new me.
I had never dreamed that my husband would be the person to pick me up off the floor, help me off the toilet, help me get dressed and be the only person to keep me motivated to carry on when the day is too much to cope with.
What happened to the life we had planned, the things we wanted to do and the places we wanted to see?
I happened. Me.
The guilt I have every day waking up next to my husband is so overwhelming. Not knowing what that day will hold for me, let alone him. Will today be the day that he can’t pick me up off the floor? Will today be the day he finally say’s enough and walks away from me?
Every day I hope and pray that he comes home and doesn’t leave me. Every day we take as it comes, and every day, so far, he is still by my side.
Am I a wife?
Or Am I a burden?
A Scottish Journey with Chronic pain 
The “wife or burden” question is one that definitely comes up in our marriage a lot, and one that I know really bothers my husband. I often feel like a burden, and he regularly reassures me that I’m not. Marriage is inevitably going to have times where one supports the other in one way or another. It’s a give and take, but not all the giving or taking happens at the same time. I know me obsessing over my burdenhood isn’t healthy for our relationship, so I instead try to focus on what I can do and still do bring to our relationship. Which is still a lot! I am caring, empathetic, and supportive.
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Thank you so much for your lovely comment! You are exactly right, a marriage is about give and take! I am guilty of over thinking things allllll the time!
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I understand. Logically I understand that being ill isn’t my fault, but I still get pangs of guilt over the financial and emotional toll I take on everyone in the family. It can wear you down. My husband always says to me, “If I were in your place, you’d do it for me.” He’s right. I would. It’s what spouses do for one another.
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Yes exactly! If roles were reversed, I’d do anything for him, you are right there, but yet the guilt still sits there and nags away from time to time, xx
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I really relate to this. I was healthy when I got married, I was 6 years later that I got sick. Neither one of us pictured this life, but it’s what we have to deal with.
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Yes very true, it’s defiantely what you have to deal with now!
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I understand what you’re saying in this post as I often wonder the same here. But I know that Michael loves you, and if the role were reversed you would do the same for him I’m sure.
We all change with time and so do our circumstances, for better for worse, in sickness and in health. Beautiful bride and beautiful woman. Love you xx
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Completely true, I would do the same for him, of course I would. Thank you so much, what a lovely lovely comment! Love you!!!! Xxx
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Reblogged this on Ty Siriol Ceramics.
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This has been such a challenge to figure out and your post could not have come at a better time. I got sick 4 months before our wedding and have been sick for the entirety of our marriage thus far (almost 5 years) Its such a complex topic and theres hardships on both sides. Thank you for writing about this!
http://www.shipwithnosails.com
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Thank you for reading! It’s certainly a complex topic, and of course lots of things to consider too! Xx
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So, I’m older. Been married almost 42 years. DIagnosed with MS 9 years ago, told I’d had it for 25. At first, when my wife would help me with little things, I became annoyed and a jerk. I was beginning to think of myself as disabled and needing care. I apologized to my wife for being as ass and thanked her for her care. She became irritated with me. ‘I’m not your caregiver, I’m your partner. Now let’s get over it. It’s what we have to do.’ Our strength is accepting what is and moving forward. We actually get a lot of humor out of the zaniness of disability. We’re still full on in love, besotted. We survived our share of tragedy and we’re good. It is what it is.
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Wow, that’s a lovely story! I admire you and your wife very much! But I also guess that’s what you do as a married couple, you learn how to deal with things and move on with your life, together, as a couple! Xx
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Forgot to add my website http://www.health-hats.com
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I really feel for you. I am also married and worry how my pain affects my spouse.
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Oh Kat, I’m so so sorry that you feel this way! I’m sure that if Michael read this post, he would definitely reassure you that you mean the world to him and that you are definitely not a burden! I am sure that you do many things for him every single day that you don’t even realise! You guys are a team through thick and thin! Sending hugs your way!
Abbey đŸ˜˜ http://www.abbeylouisarose.co.uk
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Abbey thank you for this kind comment, really means a lot you taking the time to read and comment! Xx
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As a wife to a soul mate husband, or so I thought, who became a burden and is no longer a wife or a burden can i just take this opportunity to tell everyone that communication is the key here. I mean honest feelings shared. No walking on egg shells around each other no matter how much it hurts. There’s always a nice way of putting things. Just a piece of advice. Bless you and thank you for sharing.
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100% agree, communication is everything. Thank you for your lovely comment! Xx
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