Comparison and Jealousy

I’ve always been that person that compares myself to someone else, I think we all do.

Comparing pain isn’t as simple as saying “yeah I have that too”, even though you do!  Someone else’s pain will never be the same as yours, everyone reacts and responds differently to pain.  One might still be able to function, while the other is disabled with it. Not one person is the same.

So why do I feel the need to compare myself to others in the same situation as me? 

Of course I would NEVER wish any back problems or chronic pain on anyone, and of course if that person has the best outcome and is cured or atleast on the road to recovery from their chronic pain, then I’m the first person to do a happy dance, they are of course entitled to a normal chance at life. But, am I not?

Jealously, Envy? It’s the only sensible thing that actually makes sense.  I’m jealous that they have had a successful surgery or treatment and everything I’ve been through has failed. I envy them because they are getting their normal life back. They have what I want. Normality. A life. 

I often ask myself – “Why can’t things go right for me for a change?” Or “Why is it me that has to suffer with this constant pain?” Just for once, I wish I could be the person other people want to be.  I want to be the person living a normal life. 

Normal, or even a person with no pain, is something/someone I’ll never be, but maybe one day, i’ll stop comparing myself to everyone else and give myself a break.  Maybe one day someone will find a cure, and I can start to be that normal person. 

But for now, I’ll make the best of what I have. 


8 thoughts on “Comparison and Jealousy

  1. A lot of us wish we were healthy. It is hard not to compare ourselves to others, even those chronically ill who have more health than us.
    I think the road to recovery is only half of the hard story. I do believe in hope and healing. But one thing strikes me more than anything else: it doesn’t matter if we’re healed, we’re always going to be different from those that were always healthy, because our experiences with chronic illness change us and give us a different perspective.
    I also want to wish you congratulations on your new blog!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh Kat, I’m so sorry that you are feeling like this. Jealousy/envy is such a difficult thing to struggle with, especially when all you are looking for is ‘normal’. Just remember that you are a wonderful, loving human and believe that the good you put out into the world will come back to you (it might take a while but it will!) I hope that things get easier for you x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw thank you for your lovely comment Beth. I probably have to let go of the fact I’ll never be “normal” again, that’s probably what’s holding me back, but a girl can dream, and hope, but is it healthy for me? Xxxx. Thank you for reading and commenting! Xx


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