Comparison and Jealousy

I’ve always been that person that compares myself to someone else, I think we all do.

Comparing pain isn’t as simple as saying “yeah I have that too”, even though you do!  Someone else’s pain will never be the same as yours, everyone reacts and responds differently to pain.  One might still be able to function, while the other is disabled with it. Not one person is the same.

So why do I feel the need to compare myself to others in the same situation as me? 

Of course I would NEVER wish any back problems or chronic pain on anyone, and of course if that person has the best outcome and is cured or atleast on the road to recovery from their chronic pain, then I’m the first person to do a happy dance, they are of course entitled to a normal chance at life. But, am I not?

Jealously, Envy? It’s the only sensible thing that actually makes sense.  I’m jealous that they have had a successful surgery or treatment and everything I’ve been through has failed. I envy them because they are getting their normal life back. They have what I want. Normality. A life. 

I often ask myself – “Why can’t things go right for me for a change?” Or “Why is it me that has to suffer with this constant pain?” Just for once, I wish I could be the person other people want to be.  I want to be the person living a normal life. 

Normal, or even a person with no pain, is something/someone I’ll never be, but maybe one day, i’ll stop comparing myself to everyone else and give myself a break.  Maybe one day someone will find a cure, and I can start to be that normal person. 

But for now, I’ll make the best of what I have. 


4 thoughts on “Comparison and Jealousy

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