Having to deal with your pain on a daily basis is hard work to say the least. But when it starts to hold you Prisoner in your own body, even your own home, and makes you miss out on the important things in life, is it then that we need to reevaluate how we deal with our pain?
After my 1st surgery, pain was all I felt, all I thought about and all I was, it literally consumed every fibre of my soul. I’m not ashamed to say that those 6 months were the roughest and toughest of my life.
I had no motivation. I had no energy. I had no desire to even be in this world. The pain had officially engulfed my life.
Nothing really changed after that surgery because it was then classed as a failed surgery. I went back to work, I really shouldn’t have, but SSP doesn’t pay a mortgage. I carried on with life as best I could. I went literally from minute to minute every day. This was not the way I had imagined my life after surgery. Surgery was supposed to give me my life back. Nothing could be father from my grasp.
Fast forward to my 2nd surgery 3 years later and although the original pain had gone, I of course had to start all over again in my recovery. But something in me had changed this time.
I was determined this time that the new friend I’d made, depression, wasn’t going to rule me. It wasn’t going to take over my life and become me. I set myself daily goals, and also thanks to my amazing physio, this time, well it was going to be different.
So here’s what I did:
- I made sure I got out of bed every day. Even if it was just to use the toilet or get a drink. No matter the pain, I got up. I made a point of getting up.
- Equally I rested, A LOT. My body had been through major surgery, so I had to recover. I didn’t have a choice, but I was always doing my physio exercises
- With my exercises I set myself goals every week. 5 knee rolls a day, and increase it every week (and so on).
- When I was eventually able/allowed to leave the house, my physio exercises would lead me to each lamppost on the street, and when I felt able to, I’d aim for the next one.
This time round, nothing had changed, but everything had changed.
Pain makes us change.
But this time I didn’t allow my pain to take hold of me because the pain I’d had before surgery had gone.
The pain that existed was the emotional pain. I’d never be the same again, but what was the point in wallowing about it? I’m not saying I don’t have bad days, of course I do (quite a LOT of them in fact), but I wasn’t about to allow my pain to control me again so instead I used my mind to control my pain.
My pain gave me the motivation to get up and keep going. It made me appreciate life and appreciate me.
For better or worse, that pain, it made me who I am today.