As you might have read in my previous post, 2018 has not been very kind to us, and while I won’t go over the details again (because you can read it Here), I did want to let you all know about my new challenge.
As you might remember in April I was rushed to hospital with a suspected stroke/viral meningitis, and thankfully, eventually, I got the all clear from that. Relieved is not the word! But I did also get some answers as to what has happened…. 8 months after the event.
I have finally been diagnosed with a migraine (which was painfully obvious as time went on), but I have also been diagnosed with another condition on top of that. FND, short for Functional Neurological Disorder.
Now I’m not going to lie, finally hearing that something WAS and IS actually wrong with me was such a weight off my shoulders, and actually put my mind at rest. 8 months of searching for an answer had taken its toll, and I was actually starting to think I was going insane. But alas, I am of sound mind (and according to my brain scan, there is actually a brain in there!) .
So what is FND do I hear you ask? Well as the words suggest, it’s a Neurological Disorder, but the easiest way for me to tell you what it is, is its simply my nervous system blocking signals to areas of my body.
For example, I mentioned I now have a speech/word finding problem. Well in this case, my grey matter decides it won’t send the word from my brain to my mouth, and sometimes the ability to talk too. Another example is my walking and balance. I cannot put one foot in front of the other and walk in a straight line, because my brain doesnt send the signal to my legs quick enough, therefore I’m wobbly and likely to fall in a heap (which is rather attractive).
All of these little things I have been dealing with for months, now, actually have a reason for being here, even though they weren’t invited! The cause however is interesting. 9 years ago I lost the use of my right hand, and only have 2 working fingers. 1 year later my back surgeries happened, and this year was the final knife in the coffin. With all the stress at the start of the year, my body quite literally broke, and 9 years of trauma to my body eventually reared its ugly head, and *ta-da* this is what I’ve been left with.
Unfortunately, it’s not something that will go away, it is something I’m going to have to learn to manage, and with physio, speech therapy and other therapy, hopefully I’ll be able to manage these symptoms one day.
I am only human, and I will admit, I have had a meltdown, full blown tears and all, but I’ve also not delved deeper in to this condition as of yet. For the moment, I think denial is my best friend, but I also know I have FND now, and it’s not going anywhere, so I’m not going to rush in to research and scare the living daylights out of myself just yet.
When I feel strong enough to tackle this head on, I will. I have a feeling there may be a few more tears and meltdowns ahead, but I have to tell myself that that’s OK, I am a human being and its affecting my life, so if tears come, then tears come.
I have a feeling its not going to be an easy road, but then life hasnt dealt me the greatest cards anyway, and I’m still here kicking and screaming, so I guess I need time to prepare myself, for the long road ahead, one I’m not quite ready to give up on yet.
So please stick with me, the road ahead is clearly going to throw many challenges my way, and I hope to be able share the ups and downs along the way, and learn about this new condition, and share this part of my journey too.
For more information on FND, click HERE