Tick Tock

It seems like all around me, everyone is getting pregnant and having babies these days.  I guess it’s all to do with growing up, its part of life, part of nature, and what we humans do, we are built to re-produce, well us Females are! 

Whenever a new baby comes on the go, I’m often asked “when are you having a baby” or “its your turn next“.  I was even asked, repeatedly, at my Wedding reception, when the babies were coming? Really?!

But what I’m RARELY asked is – “Do you want children” and “Can you have children“.

Can I have children? To be honest, I have no idea.  Yes I have asked my GP about it, to which he said he saw no reason as to why I couldnt, there was nothing medically wrong with any of those parts that should stop me (or that he knew of). As for my back, he couldn’t answer me.  He couldn’t give me an answer, because there was no answer to give.

Do I want children? No. Just because I have the female reproduction facilities does not mean I automatically want to have children.  I always dreamed of kids when I was growing up and that I’d have loads of children running around.  Now that scares the crap out of me.  What on earth was I thinking!? 

So because I never get asked the above, people just presume that because of my back I can’t have kids. Then I have to go in to detail. Which is then usually met with shocked faces.  Faces that say “oh my god she doesn’t want kids, is she insane”.  No – perfectly sane thanks!

But also if I hear one more time – “Well give it a go and find out” or “The hormones will help you’re back“- I think I will turn in to a raving lunatic. What ever happened to it being OUR decision to actually have a kid in the first place?  When did someone else’s opinion and pressure influence our decision?

Perhaps one day we might decide to have children, but at the moment, it’s not on the cards. But is there anything wrong with that? Some people are meant to have children, some people decide to settle down and start a family straight away and some people have the most heart wrenching struggle to have children.  But just because we don’t want children (even if it is just right now) doesn’t mean I’m going to be this old wifie that’s going to have hundreds of cats and smell of cat pee for the rest of my life.

I have had the toughest 5 years of my life.  It’s changed in a way I’d never imagined. I am barely coping on a day to day basis to keep myself going, so is it fair to bring a small person in to the world?  If I can barely cope, how on earth would I cope with a tiny human? But then im told “but you just manage”.  Well I don’t want to “just manage” thank you! 
I see so many things that scare the crap out of me, the buggy, the changing bag, the constant lifting and carrying everywhere and everything else too!   I can’t do it! I’m sure id manage to find a way to adapt somehow, but who wants to be telling their child “come to mummy because I can’t walk today”. Not me! 

What is wrong with wanting a life without children? Why can’t 2 people who are in love, just enjoy each other, their life, their time together without the added pressure of family, friends and that ticking baby clock. 

I will never be forced in to such a life changing decision, not by anyone and certainly not because “I have to”. It is a major life changing event, and WE will make that choice if we so please.  

Maybe we can’t have children, maybe there are issues, who knows.  But right now, I’m happy, in fact, we are both happy that we don’t need to cross that bridge yet.

We both have lives to lead, the world to explore, and so many things we want to do, so why not enjoy each other, and life and then see what happens.

What’s the rush?